This weekend into today, I was immobilized from posting while my computer went in for some repairs, and it turns out that without a computer to feed my internet addiction, I end up seeing a lot of movies: Mission Impossible, Blindspotting, and Three Identical Strangers. But it’s also worth taking a moment this Wednesday evening to stop and acknowledge all of the terrible business plans and credulous venture capitalists that helped get us to where we are today.
My friend and I took stock the other day and had both seen northwards of 45 films since we first subscribed to Moviepass some seven months ago. The service has been transformative in the way that I watch movies and freed me to see anything and everything, regardless of quality. I’m not the only one. There have been a variety of think pieces in the past few months, but for every think piece I could find in the last twenty seconds of Googling, there have been a million canny cheapskates getting away with murder every weekend, and sometimes multiple times a week (like myself). This is a salute to all of you, the true heroes, who kept it together for the first two to three decades of life without committing wire fraud or grand theft auto, despite all indications from mass media that that was the way to go, until finally someone came along and starting tossing dollar bills at your face and dared you to pick them up.
You, you happy few, who did the last math you’d ever need to know, and determined that $8.99 was less than the cost of a single movie ticket. We laugh at you Cinemark movie club with your $9 a ticket “deal”. Sinemia, I’ve got my eye on you, because I don’t really get how you work and I’m not ready to be burned again quite yet. AMC, I’m already signed up to–from what I can tell from prior experiences at your establishment–cut ludicrously self-inflicted lines.
And in the meantime, Moviepass: it’s like we met King Midas and decided to just follow behind him for a few months and pick up all the things he turned to gold before he starved.
We will miss you. I know, I know. You’re not technically dead yet, but I tried three times to see movies on your dime this week and every time you found a way to avoid paying, so I am pretty sure if you’re not dead, I am at least dead to you. It was fun while it lasted. You will always be my King Midas, my Icarus, my Theseus.
Update (April 19, 2019): The good folks at AV Club have found occasion to use the term “exsanguination” to describe the reportedly 90% drop in Moviepass subscribers. Worth checking out their followup.
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