You don’t really need to hear my review of Moana 2, because either you’ve seen it or you will never see it and I’m already coming to this a month late to the party, but what I can add to the copious takedowns of the awful music (no, we don’t need Lin-Manuel Miranda back for EVERY Disney movie; yes, other people can do their own things with it; no, the unofficial Bridgerton TikTok people were not good with this, but also maybe that musical is really good and if TikTok doesn’t get banned from the US in the next few weeks, this link will definitely work) is basically that this film is about the importance of genetic variation and a story about how Moana got a tattoo.
Like, I know other stuff happens, but ultimately, it seems like no one had a real good idea for a plot, so they rehashed the last movie, added some characters whose stories they didn’t bother to completely finish (shout out to the Bat Lady!), and then cooked up some songs without bothering to really think through any of the growth from the first film. Wife quoted a piece to me describing Moana as the clear “overdog” of the film with her powers to control… the entire Ocean at the very start of the film, which really puts into perspective how silly the whole problem she sets out to solve is.
The movie would’ve been a lot better if there hadn’t been any songs at all, but on the upside, my gremlin saw this with me even though they’d seen it once before and I do get to hear them say “Can I get a chee-hoo?” whenever I ask for it, so nothing is absolutely a loss here.
No payoff at all for the motif “you have to get lost to find what you’re really looking for” or some shit. Moana never “gets lost.” Also, why bring the old agricultural dude and give him no actual job?
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